I admit that I am often sucked in by those emails and Facebook posts that are lists of things - "Ten Tasty Dinners", "Five Secret Vacation Spots", "The Million Things You Don't Know About Your iPhone", "A Thousand Easy Steps to Simplifying Your Life". I suspect that I am drawn to these types of articles because I am a chronic list maker. Lists make life doable and understandable for me. This week it was a blog post entitled, "10 Qualities of A Best Friend" by Melanie Shankle that caught my attention.
In my fifty years of having friends, my personal notion of what should be included on such a list has changed and morphed and grown over time. I suspect that is true for most of us. In our elementary years our best friend was someone who would share their toys and maybe a cookie. In our teen years it was someone who wouldn't laugh at you when you shared your latest crush with them. In college your best friend was the one who, when your mom called on Saturday morning, told her you had already left for the library. In those years when we are establishing committed relationships, starting new jobs and careers, and raising children, many of us, understandably, have less time for our friends. We are so consumed with being responsible adults - partners, parents, and employees - that little time exists for cultivating and sustaining a best friend relationship. I am by no means saying that we don't have friends during those years. I'm simply saying that our energy is focuse in other ways.
Now, having raised my children and settled into a career where I Have my goal set on retirement rather than climbing some metaphorical ladder, I again have time and space to spend quality time with friends, and redefine, for this place and stage in my life, what are the most important qualities of friendship.
I am blessed to have a small circle of people locally that I consider to be best friends. And, I still keep in touch with my best friends from college. (They know too much about those crazy college days so we need to remain on good terms so that all of those stories stay encapsulated in our 35 year old circle of friendship. :-)) And now, I consider Tracey to be one of my closest friends.
Since one of the themes of this blog is friendship, I thought it would be fun to look at the friendship that Tracey and I share in light of the "10 Qualities of a Best a Friend."
The author, Melanie Shankle, began her post by saying that over the past few decades we have been substituting the joy of real friendship with communities like Facebook, where an ongoing tally of our hundreds of friends is kept, and Twitter. We also send cryptic text messages and "beautifully filtered photos" via Instagram and call that friendship.
Uh oh. Tracey and I may be in trouble before we even get to the actual list! We met through an online community. And, we have never met face to face or even talked on the phone! On the positive side, we have also never sent one another a Facebook message or a text message. Our communication takes place entirely via email, sometimes several emails a day.
Because our lifestyles, as well as our time zones, are different, email works for us. We can write and respond to one another according to our own schedules. True, email is not the same as face to face, but it sure is better than nothing. I would hate to think that I might have chosen not to have given us a chance at friendship because of the physical distance between us.
OK, so we're starting out with a mark against us. Let's see if we can redeem ourselves with what is on the actual list.
Here is Melanie Shankle's list, and a little commentary.
10 Qualities of a Best Friend
1. She’ll let you borrow her favorite dress, shoes, jacket, or top when you need something cute to wear. Bonus points if she actually says in the dressing room, “I’ll buy this, and then we can both wear it!
Well, since we live nowhere close to one another, sharing clothes is not an option, but we have talked a lot about what we like to wear and what we don't. I would happily share my jeans and t-shirts, but I'm not sure that would help in the "need something cute to wear" department.
2. Your name is safe on her lips. She won’t tell your secrets or say anything behind your back that she wouldn’t say to your face.
True.
3. She won’t tell your embarrassing stories without your permission, and she is always laughing with you, not at you.
The embarrassing stories that have been shared between us are those that we have told on ourselves! I think that one of the qualities of a good friendship is when you feel comfortable enough to tell someone how much of a dork you really are and are confident that they will still want to be your friend! And laughing...laughing is good; hence the LOL! in our blog name.
4. She’ll wait at least six hours before gently telling you that the person you’re mad at may be right.
Yep!
5. When you ask, “Can you do me a huge favor?” she answers “YES” before she even knows the rest of the sentence.
Any huge favor that we could accomplish for one another long distance, I fairly sure that we would.
6. She forgives you for your PMS moods and occasional general state of grouchiness.
Ha! No more PMS for me! But I promise to forgive Tracey because I still remember the misery of those days!
7. She’s there for you when it feels like the whole world has turned upside down and life will never be okay again.
Very true!!! This is what got Tracey and me where we are today. As I wrote in our very first post here, we bonded over tough times, though for different reasons, that we were both having.
8. Even though she loves Chinese food, she recognizes that you don’t and therefore never suggests it as a restaurant option when the two of you are together.
As we work to create the Food Friday posts, Tracey and I have learned that we like, and dislike, many of the same foods. You will never get any fish recipes or baked goods with raisins from us.
9. It’s understood that if you’re on a trip together, you share a hotel room. How else are you going to stay up all night talking?
Hopefully someday we will get to put this one to the test!
10. On any given day, she’s your sister, therapist, confidante, mother, nurse, chauffeur, hair technician, clothing stylist, nutritionist, and self-help guru who proclaims that you are good enough, kind enough, and doggone it, people like you. Otherwise known as declaring, “Nobody’s cuter than you!”
Chauffeur and hair technician not so much, but even via email, we have served as therapist, confidante, and self- help guru who proclaims that you are good enough. Since both of us are only children, I'm not sure what a sister relationship feels like, but based on the relationship that my girls have with one another, I think we could get to that point.
I think the most important quality of a best friend is simply someone who truly accepts you as who you are and where you are today...whatever and wherever that me be.
If you have a best friend, tell them how important they are in your life.
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