by Tracey G
Happy Monday the 16th! I wasn't too sure I would have a
post for today, in fact Kris told me to not worry about it as since I am just
recovering from the horrible "stomach flu" that had Harry it's in
grips last week - it grabbed me this past Wednesday. But I'm feeling the need
to do something productive and sitting in my a chair with the laptop hasn't
been too taxing - yet. It will catch up with me for sure. That seems to be an
integral part of the strain Harry and I've had, horrible tiredness, where
everything is an effort to accomplish. Need to breathe? Better take a nap
afterwards! And that's just a slight exaggeration...
I can't recall the last time I've been this sick, it's been debilitating. And that's not an easy thing for me to deal with. I don't like not being able to do something, even when I have no control over the why. It eats at me and makes me nuts! As Kris mentioned in our Friday post, it's hard to admit defeat - and to realize that I need to let it go because there is nothing I can do about it. I don't "do" sick well. Not that anyone likes to be sick, lol, but I seem to have a particularly hard time being sidelined by it, it makes me anxious. Now, I'm sure that a lot of that has to do with the fact that there've been events in my distant past that occurred when I was down for the count with a very serious illness and I was helpless to intervene on my behalf. I was forced to sit and watch things unfold, that, I felt, had I been able to be up and about, I could have prevented. That in itself may be wishful thinking, usually things go the way they're going to go no matter what we do, that illusion of control is just that most times - an illusion. I've discovered the Universe has it's ways, lol, and if you prevented something from happening at one point in time that was supposed to happen, it would just occur in a different way later on down the line with the same end result, lol. Also when I'm sick, I start a mental list of all the things I am NOT doing that I should be, that right there is enough to cause a nervous breakdown, lol. No, me and being sick just do not mix, I hate having to admit I need to just lay down, and wait for it to leave me alone.
Of course, as my everyday photography is concerned, I've
been checking off every missed day in my head and getting more and more anxious
about being so behind and missing so many days. Why? I don't know, lol. There's
no 365 police that are going to come and either take me to jail or fine me, but
it falls in that "letting down" category. And apparently I have just
as hard a time letting myself down as I do letting anyone else down! I've been
trying to pacify myself these past few days with the fact that I can make up
the actual shots, 2 a day and I'll have them caught up. But they are not the
shots from those days - those days are missed and I can't recapture them in
their "true" essence, lol. (so dramatic sounding I know, lol, but
that's the only way I can describe it! LOL) For me, my photo of the day is
usually a reflection of my day somehow. Very rarely is it a shot that I set up
because it's where the daily prompt led me and not indicative of my day or a
part of my day. Most of my subjects are something that was involved in
that day. So, if I do go back to capture
the shots of the daily prompted "subject", they'll be just photos I
took, for the sake of getting them done. So, I may not even bother trying. But
that's where the tug of war inside my brain starts, lol, what to do what to
do... I may take some of the shots because I liked the prompts and love a
creative direction with my shots but, I may not include them in my 2015
project. I may instead take and make them "just because" shots:
because I wanted the challenge, because I wanted the practice, because I liked
the theme etc.
I learned a valuable lesson, in a way, for myself, back
in January of this year. That was the first time I'd been laid up with an
illness. That was only about a 2 day ordeal then, but I did miss the
photo-of-the-day with the first day of it, January 17th to be exact. I never
did go back to take a "make up shot" - and I'm kind of glad I didn't.
I say that because now, I look back on the blank day and remember WHY I don't
have a photo for that day. It's like the reason I have my daily photos, only in
reverse. I can look at any of my POTD's (photos-of-the-day) and know exactly
why I took it, what the significance is and so forth. It's become so integral
to my daily memories that now their absence has just as big of a significance
in my life. So, I may not make up the week I've missed. There's 6 photos
missing. I will look back on that big blank spot in my 2015 project and know exactly
WHY there's no photos for that time frame. I'll know it was because I was just physically
incapable of picking up my camera, or even my phone, to take a photo. That it
wasn't by choice, but necessity that there's nothing to fill in those days in
my project. If I fill in the blanks with make-up shots, I may erase my memory
of what was going on that week, the week of March 10-15, granted, that may be a good
thing, as, do I really want to remember it? LOL But then again, it's part of my
year, a major happening that knocked me on my butt for a good chunk of time and
that's the whole point of my various ways of memory keeping, to remember the
good and the bad, lol.
So, do enjoy your week everyone - hope the nasty bugs out
there do not find you, it's still that season, so hand wash, sanitize, use hand
sanitizer (or as Harry calls it "Hanitize") and do all you can to
keep them far far away from you!
xoxo
P.S. Don't
forget our Practice Portraits Class by Katrina Kennedy Giveaway! I can speak
from experience she is an awesome instructor - always there for you and super
helpful. I've learned more from her in one 7 week class than in all the books
I've accumulated throughout the years! Any chance you have to take a class by
her - grab it! :-D
Read all about the giveaway here and just make a comment
on our Food (For Thought) Friday post to have a chance to win a free pass to
the newest course offered by the wonderful Katrina Kennedy!
Learn more about the class here:
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